… in the air …

I can feel something shifting, a change in the air, a shift in energies around me.  Maybe I am just sleep deprived or have possibly pickled my brain with paint stripper and paint? 

But something is changing…..   This last year I have been so frustrated with where my life is currently.  I want, I need things that just are not possible, right now.  I can’t help but feel this is not the life I wanted but it is the life given or chosen for me.  Mundane things were just becoming too much for me.  I would forever be complaining and failing to see the enjoyment in the simplest things.  But something has changed.

I am not entirely sure what has ‘triggered’ this change, I have decided it was many factors. 

Firstly I met the most beautiful woman, a mum at school.  Who had helped me to realise how lucky I am and that there is others who are in much, much worser situations.  I was complaining, to her about my weight gain after having Max.  “I have never been this heavy before , nothing fits me….   rah-rah rah…”  She turned to me and said, “Have you met Sasha?  She nearly died.”  Wow what an opening sentence!  She told me the story of Sasha, a mum of 3 beautiful girls who had a pain in her stomach, that turned out to be a twisted bowel.  Her surgery didn’t go well and she ended up in the ICU.  Her husband (who is a very amazing man) brought the children into say goodbye to their mum. But,  after weeks in a coma, somehow she pulled through!  It was a battle for her to regain her health, she lost 30kg while she was in a coma (and she is a tiny lady).  But she fought hard and survived this year she saw her youngest start school.  “You need to remember you have just had a baby, your body did an amazing thing.  It needs time to recover.”  Oh. Wow. Oh thankyou! 

Next I borrowed two books from the library.  The Elegant gathering of white snows and Dancing Naked at the edge of dawn,  Both of these books are written by an incredible author Kris Radish.  Wow oh Wow, these are two inspiring books.  With tales of love, friendships, the power of women and finding yourself, your true self.  Please click on the links of read some great reviews.  It really opened my eyes up, to how often, we end up just going through the motions of life – wake up, eat, school run, clean, nappies, bottles, eat, clean, school run, kids fight, baths, eat, bed, wake up………  Before we know it 7 years has passed and you are still doing the same thing.  Sometimes, just sometimes something has to POP, before we realise a change is needed, I need to start living my life.  I need to stop waiting to have enough money to buy a bigger house, to travel overseas, to see the red centre.  I am going to enjoy now, what is here already, what I already have.

I also began to notice I am forever complaining and grumbling (just read my blog lately!).  Such negative thoughts, a heavy feeling of being unhappy and that I am missing out on ‘stuff’.  Whoa there girl….   I have a husband who loves me, will build me chook pens (four of them now!) and birdhouses for my garden, after working a 50hr week.  I have 3 healthy boys, who are challenging but also amazing little people.  I have my health, my sight, my mind and my legs.  I have a roof over my head and money to buy food for my family.  I am lucky. 

And finally I read an article about a young mum who was too in a sort of  ‘melancholy’ state.    She asked her counsellor how she could feel happier?   She was told.  “To reflect on each day and see if there was anything to be grateful for….”.  She published her photos at 365 Grateful and here.  Reading this article and seeing her images made me think ‘What am I grateful for each day?’  Often the kids cannot get to bed early enough, cooking dinner is a pain or why would we want to just go to the park for adventuring…..   I need to do this, find that moment in my day.

All these events, moments that have been shown to me, has caused some thing to shift, just slightly like leaning to the side, with your weight on one foot.  Like whispers on the breeze on a summers eve Understanding, The Now, Be Grateful, Enjoy moments, Love…..

Oh yes how I will try….  I will… I am doing it…..